3 Ways We Own Our Responses to Others
What if we could gain more control of our responses? And what if we could really take ownership of how we respond to others?
Because when we own our response, we bless others through our self-control.
Even though I was a communication major in college, I’ve messed up many times in how I’ve responded to others in various situations—big time.
What’s even harder is to take ownership of a not-so-good response.
To really own it and take responsibility for it.
Like apologizing for what we said or how we said it or both.
Blessed responses and ownership takes practice and guidance from God, but it can be done well.
Whether it’s with our spouses, children, extended family, friends or co-workers, we often respond in either inappropriate ways or at the inopportune time.
You know that saying, “Open mouth and insert foot?” I’ve been there before. Maybe you have, too.
We all have times we let our mouths run ahead of us. Or, we think we must say the first thing that pops into our head. Or, we assume we are right and the other person is clearly wrong.
But we can’t physically see or determine what is going on behind the scenes—what underlying issues may contribute to the other person’s words and responses.
So let’s unpack three ways to own our responses.
1. Realize we only control our responses.
We can’t control the words or responses of others; we can only control our response through help from the Holy Spirit.
We can't control the words or responses of others; we can only control our response through help from the Holy Spirit. Share on XAnd we possess the power to control our good and godly response when we’re walking in the Spirit.
In Galatians 5, the Apostle Paul discusses our freedom in Christ. While this freedom is for me and for you, it’s freedom we maintain. How? By living in the Spirit, growing in the fruit of the Spirit and walking in the Spirit.
Friend, the Holy Spirit is the number one way to take ownership of our responses to any situation.
The sooner I realize this truth, the sooner I let go of the control and look to the Holy Spirit to help me.
2. Remember to pray for wisdom in our responses.
We pray for wisdom, insight, and discernment in our response.
Praying for how we respond to others is a powerful tool to add to our spiritual warfare tool-belt. Why? Because the enemy loves to use our knee-jerk response to tear down the other person or make the situation worse.
Instead of regrets over knee-jerk responses, the best response is to get on our knees and pray. Not only can we add this prayer to our daily prayer time, but also as a silent prayer to the Lord in the moment.
Instead of regrets over knee-jerk responses, the best response is to get on our knees and pray. Share on XYes, pray right then and there, asking the Lord to give you wisdom in what to say. Ask for insight into the situation and discernment on whether to respond or remain quiet. No response is a response in and of itself, but it needs to be appropriate for the circumstances.
3. React with the love and kindness of Jesus.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)
Years ago, I read this Scripture and decided to commit it to memory. And it holds true in my life.
When I remember to give a gentle answer to a sharp-toned comment from someone, it softens the other person’s heart. Likewise, when I snap back in anger, my harsh response only makes the issue worse.
A word of caution: Don’t point out this Bible verse or other scriptures to your loved one when they respond with a harsh word to you.
We often stir up more anger when we attempt to use scripture to discipline others. And it’s not our job. Instead, we let the Bible lead us into greater self-control through God’s help.
React with the love and kindness of Jesus. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) Share on X
Realize, remember, and react.
Which step is the hardest for you? Do you have any response-advice to add?
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Last week we discussed, Our God is Good and Holy and Loving and Just.
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It is such a powerful lesson to learn, Karen. No, we can’t control the mouths of others or their hurtful rhetoric, but we can, through the Holy Spirit, control our own tongues and respond, if appropriate, with a loving word or gesture. I have been guilty in the past of opening my mouth so my foot could get stuck in it, but I don’t want to be that person in any manner, shape or form. May we always take responsibility for our own actions.
Blessings!
Martha, thanks for sharing your experiences and insight. Oh, how I desire to season my repsonses with the love and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and to take ownership when I do mess up. God bless, dear.
Loved the lesson in your message Karen. We must do everything in love.
Yvonne, truth spoken in love is the only way to respond when the Lord wants us to speak.
The hardest part for me is to remember to stop and pray before I respond. I have had to take ownership of a not-so-good response way too many times. Thank u for these much needed three step reminders. Only through the power of the Holy Spirit can we respond in love.
Susan, that is hard for all of us, not to be quick to respond instead of silenting praying for help from God Almighty in what to say and when to speak. God bless!
Dear Karen – thank you for yet another thoughtful post. Oh my you struck a chord…I have had to, very deliberately, slow down and, in many cases not say a word. I have been practicing being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. The following proverb has also helped:
Prov 12:16
Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.
I have come a long way but have far to go!
Thanks for sharing both your experience and your insight, Melanie. No response is often the best response. May we rely on the Holy’s Spirit’s moving to know what is best in the moment. God bless!
Beautiful message. I always want to pray before speaking. Sometimes silence is best. 🙂
Melissa, look at the example of Jesus and how many times He was silent before those who would sentence Him to crucifixion. I pray to know when to respond with godly wisdom and when to not speak at all. God bless!
As I walk closer to the Lord I find I reflect him better, including with my responses. This was absolutely not always the case! That phrase “open mouth, insert foot” definitely sums it up! Thankfully, the Holy Spirit helps me so much with this today, even changing how I think, not just what I say!
That’s a good word, Jessica, when we walk closer to Him, our responses become more like Christ. Thank you for your insight.
Karen, this is such a powerful and much needed message. For me! I need to seek the Lord in prayer so His Spirit shields me from easy offense and then keeps me in check from a knee-jerk reaction. This post is loaded with godly wisdom. Lord, help me rest in You more, so I can speak like Jesus more.
Thank you, Melissa, I love how you said, “I need to seek the Lord in prayer so His Spirit shields me from easy offense and then keeps me in check from a knee-jerk reaction” Because we can’t control the words or responses of others; we can only control our response through help from the Holy Spirit. God bless!
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Much wisdom in this post, Karen. We are only responsible for our responses. We need to rely on the Lord for wisdom in our responses, so that we do respond with the love, grace, and mercy of the Lord. Such a good reminder.
Thank you, Joanne. I’m learning those knee-jerk responses will bring more regrets and make things worse than before. God bless!
Karen, I’m so glad you spoke of this today. These three responses are something I need to keep in mind. Foot in mouth person here.
Visiting today from Joanne’s
I know the feeling, Paula. Thanks for your comment. I hope we learn to pray for wisdom, insight, and discernment in our response.
Such a great post, my friend. Understanding how, and allowing, the Holy Spirit to be a filter for our actions is so important. It requires His spiritual fruit of self-control, but while we may not always be able to control our thoughts in response to something, through self-control we can ask God to temper our response to reflect Him more.
Yes, self-control is definitely a key factor in tempering our responses. We possess the power to control our good and godly response when we’re walking in the Spirit.