4 Ways to Free Our Heart From Difficult People
Above all else, guard your heart….
At some point in life, we all deal with difficult people. Perhaps it’s in the workplace, neighborhood, church or community.
Or, difficult people in our family.
And our hearts, oh our hearts, they take a beating. Seriously, don’t difficult people make your heart ache?
Often, a difficult person carries a troubled soul. They are hard to reason with and deal with, sometimes on any level, and especially on an emotional level.
So when I’m around difficult people, I strap myself in and try to prepare for a ride where my heart turns flips, plummets from soaring heights, and comes to a screeching halt.
And if I interact with this person on a regular basis or even on occasion, I pray to just make it through.
Still, the most troubling difficult person is a family member who makes our lives miserable since they are miserable within. Because this is someone who is supposed to love and care about us and our heart, we wish things were different.
Then, we second guess ourselves about our part in causing it, question what we did to deserve this treatment, try to change them, and wonder if our heart can experience real freedom.
To cope with these people, I learned to hold back tears and swallow sighs. Or, I’d attempt to get myself together and shake it off for the sake of the occasion.
But a few years ago, I experienced a breakthrough in dealing with the difficult people in my life. So, I want you to know, I found a glimmer of hope. And that’s all it took to move forward in freeing my heart.
Here are the steps I took for my breakthrough that I hope encourage you.
(1.) Change How and Who Prepares Your Heart.
I not only changed how I prepared my heart, but I also changed who prepared it.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
We not only guard our hearts against the enemy’s tactics, but we also set boundaries around our heart. This includes protecting our heart from difficult people. Yet, we don’t over guard or we may jeopardize the Lord’s work.
The Lord helps us. “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 (ESV)
Change "how" you prepare your heart and "who" prepares your heart. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) Share on X(2.) Set your heart on God.
I set my heart on God, my most important relationship.
We seek God and His heart for us, asking Him to reveal how much He loves us and cares for us and our heart. “With my whole heart I seek you….” Psalm 119:10a (ESV)
Set your heart on God, your most important relationship. “With my whole heart I seek you….” Psalm 119:10a (ESV) Share on X
Here’s one of the most comforting scriptures in the Bible when we are brokenhearted and simply crushed by difficult people.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he delivers those whose spirit has been crushed.” Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
(3.) Meditate on who you are.
I meditated on the Lord’s promises about who I am in Him.
I am loved. Love lays down His life for me (John 15:13). The Lord quiets me with His love, singing over me (Zephaniah 3:17). Christ crowns me with love (Psalm 103:4). God’s love stands firm forever (Psalm 89:2).
I am chosen. God chose me as His treasured possession (Psalm 50:15). We are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s people (1 Peter 2:9).
I am redeemed. Christ redeems me by His blood and forgives my sins by God’s grace (Ephesians 1:7). My redeemer lives (Job 19:25).
I am free. Real freedom is when the Son sets me free (John 8:26). True freedom means nothing masters me (1 Corinthians 6:12). God’s precepts help me walk in freedom (Psalm 119:45).
Affirmations: Who I am in the Great I AM
(4.) Pray for your difficult people.
I supercharged my prayers for my difficult people.
Some things in the spiritual world never make sense to our limited minds. To my surprise, praying more intentionally and consistently for the difficult people in my life blessed me and changed how I viewed them.
Supercharge your prayers for the difficult people in your life. Praying more intentionally and consistently for them blesses YOU and changes how you view them. Share on XNow, instead of always being sad for myself, I’m sad for them.
You see, I live loved by the Savior and walk in freedom. And I want this for them.
I pray their heart is set free to enjoy life, family, friends, and the Lord who created them.
Do you have difficult people to deal with?
Which point speaks the most to you? Anything you would add?
Sometimes I participate in these link-ups:
Legacy Linkup/Inspire Me Monday/Tell His Story/Recharge Wednesday/Let’s Have Coffee/Tune in Thursday/Heart Encouragement/Embracing the Unexpected/Candidly Christian and Faith On Fire.
Friday’s Forever Podcast discusses adventures from our YouTube channel and “Journey to Hope” segment covers this article/theme.
© 2021 by Karen Friday, All rights reserved
Karen, you have truly given all of us some powerful advice here. Everyone of us has experienced the presence of difficult people in our lives, and I love your admonition to pray for them. God can work the miracles that we cannot.
Blessings!
“God can work the miracles that we cannot.” Thanks for that reminder, Martha! God bless!
I especially loved your last bullet item, it is very important to pray for the difficult people in our lives. We need to pray for them and for God to soften our hearts towards them. We need to remember that sometimes, we are the difficult people in someone’s life. Thanks for sharing Karen.
True, Yvonne. I definitely have to add myself to the prayers in these difficult relationships or else I will become hardened and not loving toward them.
Good word, Karen, and very timely! Thanks. Once I realized I’m “special” to God and so is everyone else, I began seeing people more from the Lord’s love perspective rather than my limited view. Who knows what anyone else is going through, but Lord knows! We all need prayer.
May God continue to direct and bless your work in Christ.
So well said, Mary. I often ask the Lord to help me see others as He sees them through His loving eyes. Thank you for the encouragement! God bless!
Such good advice.
But I confess, as I read this, I wondered how many people view ME as the difficult person in their life. I hope none, but I’m sensitive to the fact that we all have blind spots.
Good point, we all have blind spots. But with what I’ve been through for years with a difficult person makes me cringe to think I’d be that to someone else. I pray to never be in that place.
I love your suggestion of fixing our heart on God. When dealing with “difficult” people, I find it best to spend a bit of time in prayer before I have to meet with them. A common challenge I have is that I get upset with myself for getting upset with that difficult person. It also helps to remind myself that often, I’m the difficult one. Prayer helps with that too. 🙂
Praying before the encounters and praying for people I find hard to deal with has been my saving grace in these relationships. It’s the only way I survive the drama and turmoil surrounding one difficult person in my life. I live loved by the Savior and want this for her.
Great advice for the difficult people in our lives. We can’t fix them, but we can pray for them and find comfort from the Lord during their out-of-kilter treatment of others, including us. We all have people like this in our lives, so this post will bless many, Karen.
Thank you, Melinda. It hurts the worse when our difficult people are the ones who should love and care for us and our heart. Instead, they often inflict injury upon injury to our heart and seem to not be hindered by the deep wounds they cause. Thankful the Lord is the strength of our heart and close to the brokenhearted.
A lot of wisdom here for a difficult topic.
Thank you, Lauren. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
I pray we will guard our hearts when dealing with difficult people. I pray I will show the love of Christ to everyone. Thank you for this message.
Melissa, showing the love of Christ to everyone including difficult people is a calling on all our lives as believers!
Karen, great article, especially the practical application tips. I admit I don’t always want to pray for the difficult people in my life!
Donna, it is hard to pray for difficult people we know and deal with. Yet, we can’t change them ourselves, so prayer’s a powerful tool.
Whew, I really need this today, Karen. I won’t go into details but a difficult person in my life has caused me tremendous pain this week, and I don’t want it to fester into bitterness and lock my heart into resentment.
Lisa, I’m so sorry for the pain from your difficult person. Sadly, I know all too well. I spent months speaking one person’s name out loud to the Lord by saying, “Lord, I forgive_______.” Because I never feel like forgiving her and all the hurt she causes. But it’s best for me.
Amen-Amein Karen!!
Kristi Ann is loved and chosen and redeemed and free!
I needed to read this after some time spent with a “difficult person” recently. THANK you for the insight!
Hope this helped in some way, Jessica.
Important words and Scriptures for me, Karen. Yes, there seem to be difficult ones no matter where I live or what season of life I am in. (Maybe I am the difficult one!). But I want to be there for them yet sometimes I must get away. I do not want to avoid completely yet I want to love them completely, whether up close or from a distance. I am grateful to have God’s Word and His Presence to draw upon. Thanks. ~ linda
Linda, I pray not to be the difficult person to others. One of my difficult people I’ve had to love from a distance. It was the best way to protect my heart.
We all deal with difficult people–someone who’s difficult season has extended into bitterness without healing. You offer such practical advice, Karen. Thank you.
Bitterness without healing describes one of my difficult people perfectly, Nancy.
Our former pastor calls difficult people EGRs (Extra Grace Required). That term gives me new perspective on how to treat everyone…not just the EGRs because everyone deserves to be loved for who they are!
I like that term, “Extra Grace Required.” Yes, yes, yes! We give grace because we so desperately need it ourselves!
Hi Karen. I often pray before heading in to meetings that I know will be difficult or will involve working with difficult people. It helps to reset my focus and intentions. I appreciate your thoughts here. I think 1 and 2 are the ones I lean on the most so I want to be more cognizant of recalling who I am in God’s eyes and praying specifically for those I have a hard time with. Thank you.
That’s a great way to prepare your heart, pray ahead of time. Remember you are loved and chosen and redeemed and free!
There is a very difficult person in my life right now. I actually have relatively limited direct exposure to her, but other people I love are in her direct line of fire. Sometimes I think that makes it worse—when someone picks on someone we love. Praying for her has definitely helped my own reaction to her: instead of just anger, there is so much sadness at the misery she must live in.
Oh, how I know what this is like, Ashley. Both limited exposure and in the direct line of fire. And difficult people are definitely miserable souls to treat others as they often do in words and actions. Isn’t it comforting to know we live loved by the Savior and walk in freedom. Pray this encouraged you.
How timely this post is. Both I and a couple close friends are dealing with people who are difficult!
Glad this encouraged you. So thankful God is the strength of our heart.