4 Wrong Self Definitions and Expectations

Have you ever adopted the wrong self definitions and expectations of yourself? My hand’s raised.

Like in this example:

You’re the pastor’s wife? You’re not what I expected.

Have you ever been anyone’s “not what I expected”? 

If you’ve lived any amount of time on this earth, it’s highly likely. And this certainly wasn’t my first rodeo for not meeting someone’s expectations, and it wouldn’t be my last. 

False Definitions and Expectations

Because all the wrong ways others attempt to define us or we attempt to define ourselves, have circulated for countless ages. Really, these false dictionary-attempting claims started in the beginning and in our beginning. 

So, let’s look at 4 areas that should never be part of our self definitions or expectations.

And let’s discover how God defines who we are from the book of Truth. 

(1.) Roots are wrong self definitions.

Plants have roots. Those of us who color our hair have roots. People have roots from childhood and family experiences. 

Although I started going to church in elementary school, I didn’t have a spiritual upbringing or grounding in God’s Word. So when my parents divorced, I felt unseen and unheard and unloved. 

But when I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior at sixteen, and later had mentors in college and as a woman, I began to grow spiritual roots. 

Our root-system in Christ most accurately describes us: loved, chosen, forgiven, and redeemed. 

If your childhood became cut off from a secure source of parents or family. If decisions in your teen and young adult years caused root-damage. Or, if your marriage feels dried up instead of nourishing, the Lord is your source of nourishment for healthy roots, now. 

As we walk closely with the Lord, we become rooted and established in the faith (Colossians 2:6-7).

Jesus establishes our correct identity in Him. 

Our root-system in Christ most accurately describes us: loved, chosen, forgiven, and redeemed. As we walk closely with the Lord, we become rooted and established in the faith (Colossians 2:6-7). Share on X

(2.) Rejections are wrong self definitions.

Perhaps, like me, rejection yanked the rug out from under your fragile heart too many times. 

And rejection leaves a hole in our soul wider than the Grand Canyon. Yet, we make the mistake of equating actions done to us as a title to wear. The actions of others should never pen the labels we stick on ourselves.    

Rejection is an action, not a person. Rejection does not make me a reject. 

On the flip side, acceptance is not only an action, but also a living being—God.

Patterned in the image of my Creator accurately describes me: accepted, valued, and precious. 

Declare these statements out loud: God wants me. The Lord pursues me. God stays intimately connected to me. The Father never disowns me.

(3.) Roles are wrong self expectations.

As a pastor’s wife for eighteen years, I never met everyone’s ideals of how they defined the role. People are naturally fault-finders in the various roles of life we each step into, even in the church and among believers. 

Why is that? The enemy! 

Satan enjoys it when we back-bite, criticize, and tear other Christians down instead of speaking life over each other. 

Satan enjoys it when we back-bite, criticize, and tear other Christians down instead of speaking life over each other.  Share on X

The enemy throws a party of darkness when we speak death and negativity to others instead of encouraging other co-workers, leaders, wives, husbands, moms, dads, siblings, and so on.

Seriously, we hear various opinions on the right way to do just about everything—spiritually and otherwise. 

But what if I started weighing criticism from people against who God says I am? Because the scales always tip toward “in Christ” where I’m a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).

And what if I took my cue about who I am from the Great I AM? 

Because my “roles” are blessings from the Lord. God never meant for roles to define me. 

I’m fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). This is who I am.

(4.) Ruins are wrong self definitions.

Like ruins from a natural disaster, many of us have times when personal ruins try to highlight the biographies of who we are. 

Ruins are inevitable. Eventually our walls tumble. Buried beneath the rubble, we are unable to dig ourselves out. We need a Rescuer. One who promises to dig us out of the rubble and rebuild our lives. 

Declare these promises out loud:

When my ruins are wounds, God heals me.

And when my ruins are imprisonment, Christ sets me free. 

When my ruins are losses, the Lord comforts me.

And when my ruins are brokenness, Jesus makes me whole.

Christ lifts me from the rubble and sets me on the stable Rock—Himself.

When my ruins are wounds, God heals me. When my ruins are imprisonment, Christ sets me free. When my ruins are losses, the Lord comforts me. And when my ruins are brokenness, Jesus makes me whole. Share on X

Reflections on Who We are

Reflect on ways you have let roots, rejections, roles, and ruins become your self definitions or expectations. Where can you change your perspective to line up with God’s Word? 

Featured images from Friday’s Forever YouTube Channel.

Last week we discussed 21 Declarations for Identity and Belonging.

Sometimes I participate in these link-ups:

Legacy Linkup/Inspire Me Monday/Tell His Story/Recharge Wednesday/Let’s Have Coffee/Tune in Thursday/Embracing the Unexpected (Grace & Truth).

© 2022 by Karen Friday, All rights reserved