A Christmas Series: The Gift of Forgiveness
When we think of Christmas gifts, our thoughts ponder what to buy that family member who has everything. Or, the person who is particular in their taste. Perhaps we wonder what treasures lay under the tree for us.
Over the next 3 weeks until Christmas, we are embarking on a series about gifts. These are not the typical gifts we imagine at Christmastime. Yet, each gift offers some of the most glorious things in life.
We begin with the gift of forgiveness. And to be gut-honest, my tendency is to only see it as a gift when I receive it. Because forgiveness is a difficult present to hand out. Especially if the hurt runs deep and the offense cuts into our soul.
Starting in my childhood, a person has inflicted injury upon injury to my heart. Even threatening the unthinkable just two years ago, and causing a recent emotional wounding.
Still, God gave me the power and ability to truly and fully forgive her. Although our relationship remains in a less than whole state. And her patterns of behavior haven’t changed. I am living in wholeness and walking in freedom by giving her this gift.
Why? Refusing to forgive places us behind bars—imprisoning our hearts and shackling our souls. Forgiving unlocks the prison cell, making us free!
Refusing to forgive places us behind bars—imprisoning our hearts and shackling our souls. Forgiving unlocks the prison cell, making us free! #forgiveness #gift Share on XSometimes forgiveness neither restores a relationship nor is the best or healthy result. But it restores us.
However, this gift comes with a warning label: Offering it with a limited warranty or an expiration date renders it unacceptable.
Gift Description
Let’s look closer at our gift through these definitions and wisdom.
(1.) “To cease to feel resentment against (an offender): PARDON: forgive one’s enemies” (Merriam-Webster).
(2.) “Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness” (What is Forgiveness?, Greater Good Magazine, UC Berkley, 2019).
(3.) Several forms of the word in the Greek are used in the Bible: aphiemi means “to send forth, send away”; “to remit or forgive” as in completely canceling debts. And in the remission of sins: “…signifies the remission of the punishment due to sinful conduct, the deliverance of the sinner from the penalty Divinely, and therefore righteously, imposed; secondly, it involves the complete removal of the cause of offense; such remission is based upon the vicarious and propitiatory sacrifice of Christ. The conditions to receive are repentance and confession.”; charizomai means “to bestow a favor unconditionally, whether divine or human.”; aphesis denotes “a dismissal, release” used in forgiving sins or trespasses. (Blue Letter Bible/Vine’s Expository Dictionary.)
(4.) “Forgiveness says, ‘It was wrong, it mattered, and I release you’” (John Eldridge).
(5.) “Forgiveness is not about forgetting, it’s letting go of the hurt” (Dr. Mary McLeod Bethune).
God’s Gift
God bestows a great gift on us when He forgives us. It requires we not only confess and repent of our sins, but that we also forgive others.
(1.) “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:10-12).
(2.) “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
(3.) “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13).
(4.) “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15).
(5.) “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
(6.) “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 #forgiveness #gift Share on XReceiving and Giving the Gift
First, we thank God for forgiving us of our sins and any missteps against Him, and continue to confess and repent.
Next, we make the phone call, write the letter, or ask for a meeting. Then let the words spill from our lips or onto the paper: “I forgive you.” Or, “Please forgive me.”
Finally, we strive to keep a short account with God and others. Ask the Lord to give us the ability to extend forgiveness. Pray God helps us truly see it as a gift in our lives. And petition the heavenly Father to grant us the power to close the gap quickly between an offense and forgiveness in our relationships with people and with Him.
When we reflect on all we know about forgiveness, we conclude it’s a great gift to receive and give. While it may not be under our tree, we choose to wrap it in love and humbly offer it this Christmas and year-round.
When we reflect on all we know about forgiveness, we conclude it’s a great gift to receive and give. While it may not be under our tree, we choose to wrap it in love and humbly offer it this Christmas and year-round. #forgiveness #gift Share on X
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Karen, what a wonderful series. These are heart and soul gifts. Gifts of God’s Spirit that have eternal value. Beautiful to receive, but yes, very hard to give. “We begin with the gift of forgiveness. And to be gut-honest, my tendency is to only see it as a gift when I receive it. Because forgiveness is a difficult present to hand out. Especially if the hurt runs deep and the offense cuts into our soul.” For me it has been important to separate forgiveness and trust. I can forgive, as my gift to the person and my response/directive from God. However, trust is something that is earned by a consistent demonstration of trustworthy actions. Forgiveness is given. Trust is earned. This way, we can truly forgive, but not put ourselves back into an unwise or unhealthy position with a hurtful person. But forgiveness is a deep and beautiful gift. Thank you, Jesus, for helping us offer this gift you have abundantly given to us!
Hey Melissa, thank you sweet friend. I like how you called them heart and soul gifts. Yes! And I love how you make the distinction between forgiving and earning trust with “a consistent demonstratoin of trustworthy actions.” Amen! That’s why I said restoration of the relationship doesn’t always occur and is not always in our best interest…it restores us to God and restores our peace and freedom by releasing the hurt. The person in my example, who I forgave, continues to act contrary to being trustworthy. So while I forgave her, I love her from a distance and pray for her daily. Appreciate you adding such great wisdom!
Yes, forgiveness is a valuable gift to give and receive!
Ava, I pray the Lord helps us see what a wonderful and powerful gift forgiveness is. And the forgiver usually receives more benefits than the one forgiven.
Forgiving other believers is a difficult thing for me. For some reason, forgiving those who do not believe in Jesus is easier, almost like I can let them off the hook, but believers should know better. Which is most certainly my own sin I struggle against. But you are so right — not forgiving puts us behind bars of our own making. Thank you for this encouraging article and truth-filled reminder!
You make such a great point, Emily. I concur how it is hard to forgive other Christians because we often think…she should know better! Right?! But it’s faulty thinking on our part because someone may have thought the very same thing about us. 🙂 And Paul was writing to the church at Colossae when he said, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13).
Such good wisdom Karen regarding forgiveness and these healthy steps of choosing to forgive indeed makes us free. I know from my past the enemy held me hostage until I let go and made a proper decision to forgive. So liberating it is. May many phone calls and/or letters happen as a result of this word. True ministry and action steps you have given us!
Valerie, thanks so much for your kind encouragement. We all need this reminder of how forgiveness is a great gift indeed, to receive and give. It is so liberating as you noted. Oh, how I hope and pray many phone calls, letters, and meetings happen! Lord, help us take action and not just hear your Word, but do it!
So very true Ms. Karen. I too have learned that forgiveness has to start with me. If I hold resentment, anger, bitterness, etc. in my heart over something (sometimes something that happened when I was seven, not seventy), then it takes root in my soul. Experience has showed me those roots go deep; and the deeper they go, the harder they are to remove completely. By forgiving, first myself (allowing me to release my hurt), then the other person(s), I free myself to have a right relationship with God. Sometimes the other side of the equation never accept, or even think they’re in need of, our forgiveness. That’s beyond my power to handle, but it’s not beyond God’s my friend. Thank you for this most wonderful gift this morning ma’am.
J.D., I like how you mention the deep roots of unforgiveness…which all stem from a hurt that grew anger or bitterness or resentment. And you offer us wisdom in our limitations for the other party involved. Our job is to receive or offer forgiveness. It’s not up to us what response comes or doesn’t come. Many times the person refuses to see their wrong or admit anything. Yet, it doesn’t negate our spiritual and biblical duty to forgive and thus release ourselves from a dark, cold prison. Appreciate your insight as always!
Forgiveness absolutely sets us free, Karen, and it’s the best gift we can receive and, in turn, give to others. I know I’m going to love this series, my friend. Blessings!
Martha, thanks for your continual encouragement in this space. You truly bless me. “When we reflect on all we know about forgiveness, we conclude it’s a great gift to receive and give. While it may not be under our tree, we choose to wrap it in love and humbly offer it this Christmas and year-round.” May it be so, Lord! God bless!
Karen, I’m so glad that you decided to write about forgiveness at Christmastime. Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves when given, but also when received. But navigating the waters of forgiveness can be a challenge—especially without Christ as our example. He forgave each of us, after all. So, who better to help us learn to forgive?
A beautiful and timely message, my friend.
Hey Beckie, yes, forgiveness can be hard to navigate through. If we only remember the example of Christ (on the cross):“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:24, ESV.) It blows my mind to think Jesus came that first Christmas, knowing what would happen and that He would need to utter these words…totally undeserving and totally a gift!
I love this anonymous quote that someone shared with me: When I forgave, I set a prisoner free. Then I realized, it was me.
I’ve learned that whether or not the offender accepts my forgiveness doesn’t matter. I am the one who reaps the benefits.
I’ve heard that quote before, and always loved it, Carol. So true in how we are reaping the benefits and living in wholeness and walking in total freedom by forgiving. Hallelujah! Thanks for commenting! God bless!
Words to remember! “”Sometimes forgiveness neither restores a relationship nor is the best or healthy result. But it restores us.”
Looking forward to the rest of the gifts you will write about!
Hi Beth, I often remind myself of those words since I am living them right now because of the person in my life who I forgave, but who hasn’t changed in their behavior. I do know this: I live loved by the Savior and walk in freedom! Oh, yes, I do! Thank you!
Forgiveness is a tricky subject for me. There are people who my husband and I distance ourselves from, because it’s necessary to avoid their “toxic” influences and the consequences of their chosen lifestyles. 1 Corinthians 5:11 warns us about associating with idolaters, slanderers, and swindlers. However, I do try to release the anger against these people, so that we avoid them for practical reasons – not as a form of revenge. And neither of us is so perfect that we’ve never committed our own sins.
Agree, Robin! In my situation mentioned in this article, I, too, must stay at a distance to protect my heart against this person’s relentless and cruel acts and words. She’s too toxic to be around. But it doesn’t negate my spiritual obligation to the Lord’s command to forgive her. So while it is tricky, we still give the gift of forgiveness for our own sound mind, peace, and wholeness, while knowing reconciling or restoring a close relationship is not in our best interest. Because we can never overlook this: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15).
Thanks for sharing your experience and insightful thoughts!
Forgiveness seems SO HARD sometimes, but it is critical to the liberation I have as a saved,, deliberate Christian. You are right — it is a conscious choice. We are forgiven for so much, even if we don’t realize how much. We are to forgive and extend grace to others, in turn. Thank you, Karen… great article, as always.
It really is very difficult at times, Jessica. I think we all relate to that! And it is a deliberate choice we make to give this great gift because we’ve been given the gift from our heavenly Father. “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).
Beautiful, Karen! I love this article because I intimately know what it means to forgive others who have hurt me in the past. Truly, when we forgive, we free ourselves. I read a wonderful book titled, “Total Forgiveness” by R. T. Kendall. He really dug deep into the topic and it helped me be free from the wounds a Pastor (of all people) who hurt me so deeply. Now, I only have good thoughts and aspirations toward this man. What a gift to myself, but also to him. Seeing him in light of how Christ sees me was humbling. It’s easy to judge others for the sins they commit, especially when we don’t commit those same sins, but this does not mean my sins, while different, are not just as ugly. R. T. Kendall truly taught me the value behind one of the verses you quote, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13).” “As the Lord has forgiven you” was the sting I needed to hear at that time in my life.
Marcie, you are a great example to the rest of us. Thanks for sharing your personal story about forgiving a pastor. This expereince is probably many other people’s story AND also the need to forgive and release the hurt. I love how you said this, “Seeing him in light of how Christ sees me was humbling.” So good! If we can only remember to see everyone who has hurt us or offended us as created in the image of God just like us, and how Christ sees “me.” The book by Kendall sounds powerful.
Yes, Lord, help us remember “as the Lord has forgiven you.” Interesting your story is about a pastor and Paul wrote that letter to the church of Colossae. So to believers…we are saints with the capacity to sin. Thanks for adding such great thoughts to our conversation!
A superb way to start your Christmas series! This challenge is the lifelong pattern for believers. As I write this, my husband and I just had a morning breakfast argument over identity politics. Words were exchanged. Yet, we’re Christians of many decades. Both of us are sitting now, across from the table, each silently working on our morning quiet times and for me today that includes reading the uplifting words of other writers like you, as well as digging into my Bible. By the end of this time together, I know that we will both look up at one another, utter the words of apology, and forgive one another. For the moment, we’re at an impasse. Then, I read your post . . . Great timing!
Melinda, I had to smile while reading your comment that the timing hit right after you and your husband exchanged heated words. 🙂 God certainly does have a sense of humor! And, I like how you said this challenge to forgive “is the lifelong pattern for believers.” It can’t be just a gift at Christmas, it has to be year-round and lifelong and heart-felt. Because it’s being obedient to God himself who has forgiven us for so much, how could we withhold it from others. “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:10-12). Thanks for adding your insight!
Such an important subject because it affects us all in many ways as we have discussed in the past in our previous posts. I love the way you wrote this because it does show how powerful Forgiveness is. Giving it as a gift just as our Heavenly Father Forgave Us through Jesus is powerful! Thanks Sister for this awesome post. God Bless You and Yours!
Appreciate your kind words, Stephen. It’s very hard sometimes to see forgiveness as a gift. But once we realize this great gift when we are on the receiving end, then we see the power and beauty of extending it to others as a gift…without a limited warranty and expiration date. God bless!
Forgiveness may take time in some situations. I pray I remember the valuable gift given to me by God. He has forgiven my sins.
Amen, Melissa. God forgives our sins and expects…no commands…we forgive others. Right, it may not happen overnight, but just so it happens.
Forgiving someone may be the best gift we give ourselves. Merry Christmas!
It truly is a gift to others and to self, Nancy! Merry Christmas to you!
What a great perspective. I’ve never thought of the ability to forgive as a gift before… Only as a chore. But you’re right, it really is a gift to be released from the bondages resentment and unforgiveness.
Thank you for this beautiful insight.
Christina, interesting you likened forgiveness to a “chore.” That describes it for so many of us and so much of the time. I pray the Lord opens our eyes to the awe and wonder and beauty of forgiving as a gift.
Dear Karen, thank you for sharing from your heart about needing to forgive someone from your circle. Forgiveness may not change the other person, but it frees us to continue growing in God’s grace. I’m so glad God helps us do what He requires of us to do. He knows what it’s like to forgive when no apology is offered back.
Christmas Blessings ~ Wendy Mac
Hey Wendy, I like how you said forgiveness “frees us to continue growing in God’s grace.” God knows all about forgiveness…He knows too well. Merry Christmas!
Just what I needed to affirm that my journey to forgiveness (I have a lot of forgiving and forgetting to do) is the gift I need to give myself this Christmas. Thank you for the reminder that I don’t have to do it alone–God is with me.
It is a great self-gift, Anita. And we all have to live in a state of continual forgiveness in order to keep ourselves walking in wholeness. Merry Christmas!
What a wonderful post on forgiveness, Karen. Forgiveness is one gift given to us through God that we truly can give ourselves. We benefit much more from forgiveness than the person who has wronges us.
I saved these words on forgiveness from Gretchen Fleming that really touched my heart:
I may be your enemy but that doesn’t make you MY enemy.
You may not be able to receive my love but I can love you anyway, from a distance.
You may only have hostility toward me but I can still be kind to you.
You may want to believe the worst about me but I can still give you my best.
You may want my ruin but I can pray for your rescue.
You may be antagonistic with me but I can still retain my peace.
You may want to live in the past but I can move forward without you.
Thank you, Laurie, and appreciate you sharing Gretchen’s words. Powerful!
I recently wrote about this as well! Forgiveness is such a beautiful gift we give to others and to ourselves, whether we’re the one doing the forgiving or the one we receiving it.
That’s awesome, Lisa! It truly is a great gift, I’ll head over and read your post now!
Karen,
This line struck me: “Sometimes forgiveness neither restores a relationship nor is the best or healthy result. But it restores us.” We always think of happily ever after endings when forgiveness has been bestowed, but that’s not always the case. Forgiveness may not restore the relationship, but it restores us. I find it the hardest to forgive when someone who has hurt me doesn’t admit they did anything wrong. My forgiveness cannot be conditional upon their repentance or remorse. I am called to forgive regardless and in doing so, I am set free. Great post!
Blessings,
Bev xx
I love the way you remind us that forgiveness is a gift. It’s for us and for the recipient. And it is always from the Lord. How beautiful!
Hey Rebecca, so true, forgiveness is the gift that blesses our hearts and comes straight from our good, good Father.
[…] gifts are intangible, yet they often gift us with the most important parts of life. Such as the gift of forgiveness we discussed last week. We continue with another valuable gift to both receive and give, […]