How to Let Empty Refine Us and Not Define Us
“I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat.”
My heart skipped a beat. A miscarriage landed me in the bed with low back pain and abdominal discomfort. The same as birth bangs when my daughter was born. Except there’s no baby to hold or name or take home.
The doctor described this three-day nightmare as a natural way the ten-week-old fetus continued to exit my body. He even said this was the best case scenario to avoid a medical procedure to clear anything left behind. But I just cared about what had happened to my unborn baby and the unseen scars left behind.
My womb not only emptied itself of the baby I dreamt would be our second child, but I also felt an undeniable emptiness—a hollow space with an echo of loss.
Months after, my empty womb threatened to rob my joy as a woman and as a mother. Sadness crept in while explaining it to my two-year-old daughter every time she asked, “Is the baby in your tummy, Mommy?” Even telling my co-workers and friends seemed daunting. And the waiting period before attempting another pregnancy seemed like forever.
Empty Enters Our Story
No doubt, you are familiar with your own empty. Maybe you know what it’s like to walk through miscarriage. Or your womb has never been full of life, and it has haunted you. Perhaps your emptiness was left behind from addiction, sexual violation, a failed marriage, lost career aspirations or death of a loved one.
Because we can almost always mark a moment when empty made an entry point in our story. Still, empty doesn’t define who we are, we were misinformed by the enemy of our souls.
To read the rest of my story, and to discover how empty refines us to resemble Christ, join me over at my friend Lyli Dunbar’s blog for my guest post.
3 Excellent Ways To Let Empty Refine You And Not Define You. Join us here.
*Sometimes I participate in these link-ups:
Ronja Oksanen/ #AboundingGrace, Rachel Lee #DestinationInspiration, Debbie Kitterman/#Dare2Hear, Maree Dee/Embracing the Unexpected, Jaime Wiebel/#SittingAmongFriends, Crystal Twadell/Fresh Market Friday, Kelly Balarie/Purposeful Faith, Patricia Holbrook/Soaring With Him, Meghan Weyerbacher/TeaandtheWord, Lyli Dunbar/#FaithOnFire & Crystal Storms/Heart Encouragement.
© 2019 by Karen Friday, All rights reserved
I’m so thankful for the wisdom you shared with us here and at my blog, Karen. Empty is not what this world wants us to believe. God is always up to something and bringing redemption in our lives.
Appreciate you having me over at your blog, Lyli. What a blessing you are! So thankful Jesus willingly emptied himself on a cross to not only take on our sins, but to also carry our sorrows. We were never meant to bear empty.
Thank you for sharing your story so bravely and with such tenderness. God never wastes a moment of our pain and He never leaves us alone in those places.
So true, Rebecca. Christ overcame an empty tomb, so that we can overcome emptiness. Christ brings resurrection power into every circumstance we face. Hallelujah!
Amazing Testimony of what you endure and have journeyed thru…
Grace & Peace continue to be in your heart, mind, and soul.
I am praying you will continue share with us what God has ordained for you to do & serve in His Kingdom on this earth as it is in heaven.
blessings
JPM
Hey Joey, thank you for those words spoken over me and the prayers spoken on my behalf. Praying for you and JPM as well.
“And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of His Spirit who lives in you.” (Romans 8:11, NIV)
Thank you so much for sharing. My heart goes out to you. I have endometriosis and had trouble getting pregnant. We had one daughter and waited a year and a half to try again. I went through a dozen pregnancy tests with negative results. We were blessed with a second daughter after 5 1/2 years. The girls are true blessings. The real empty spot in my life is losing my parents when I was 26 Mom and 36 Dad. There’s still an empty hole when I think about them.
Hi Jann, thanks for sharing your story. Thankful the Lord blessed you with two beautiful girls!
Yes, losing loved ones brings such a loss, the emptiness is almost unbearable. I lost my dad eight years ago and it still brings sadness to my heart at times. Still, we cling to this: Something beautiful happens when we let God use empty to refine us. It has the ability to turn our life in to something more than we ever imagined.
Blessings!
So sorry for the pain and heartache you shared with us, Karen, in losing a baby, but so glad God took your empty and refined it to fullness once again. Jesus did, indeed, empty all of Himself that we could be filled with God’s grace.
Blessings, my friend!
Thank you, Martha. Yes, the Lord is our biggest filler with His goodness and God-ness. Blessings to you!
Thank you Karen for this beautiful message! John Ortega
John, thanks for reading and commenting. Christ died to give us eternal and abundant life…to heal our scars…to restore what empty cost us.
“He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5, NIV)
Karen, I really appreciate how you point out that there are many reasons or ways we may be left feeling empty. And yet, we all wrestle with it because this broken world is full of broken people. I especially love your 2nd point, and the idea that “The Father uses the suffering from empty to refine us and make us more like Christ.” What a gracious God we serve to use our empty to fill us with more of Himself. He knows if we’re full and unbroken we won’t see our desperate need for Him. Thank you as always for a post full of encouragement and practical truth!
Appreciate your encouragement and adding your thoughts, Elaine. Surely the world and all of us in it are broken. But I’m glad there’s healing for our scars through Jesus’ scars!
I love the discussion of the weight of empty. Such a powerful post to speak to everyone who’s suffered that feeling–and everyone who has it up ahead. Great post! God bless!
Thank you, Nancy. If we were never lost, we wouldn’t need a Savior. And if we were never empty, we wouldn’t appreciate God’s fullness.
Thanks for that post, Karen! I’m always so blessed by your writing. I’m experiencing the empty at the end of decades of fullness. The children are all raised, the house empty of everyone but the two of us. We’re scattered across the country now. Our relocation eradicated all the family traditions. Life is still unsettled almost a year and a half later. I lay awake at night pondering the whys and grappling with handing it over to God. Jesus emptied himself, you pointed out. This point struck me as precious and as another way I need to walk in his steps. This also spoke to me: “Something beautiful happens when we let God use empty to refine us. It has the ability to turn our life in to something more than we ever imagined.” So, here I am again, Lord, complete the work you have in mind for my life.
Melinda, sounds like you have an empty nest and the heightened effects of loved ones physically farther than you might wish. As you mentioned, handing our emptiness over to Jesus, who emptied himself to take on every empty place in our lives and hearts, brings His fullness into those areas of void. Blessings sister!
Thank you for sharing your story with us! I love the point about remembering Jesus bears our pain. He knows how we feel, he’s felt the same pain. That always provides such comfort for me when I’m in pain!
That is comforting for me as well, Emily. Christ endured so much pain and suffering so He empathizes with the pain and suffering empty brings into our lives.
“And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of His Spirit who lives in you.” (Romans 8:11, NIV)
Thanks so much for sharing your Tragic Story Sweet Sister in Christ-Messiah Jesus-Yeshua Karen!! Christ-Messiah Jesus-Yeshua is Always there for Each and Everyone of us Forevermore!!
Praise Christ-Messiah Jesus-Yeshua!! Hallelujah and Maranatha Everyone!!
Our ONE True GOD’S LOVE 💕 is ETERNAL THROUGH HIS SON Christ-MESSIAH Jesus-Yeshua for Today and Everyday Forevermore Everyone!!
I Love you all Everyone through Jesus-Yeshua Christ, because HE LOVED EVERYONE FIRST!! 💕 Praise Jesus-Yeshua Christ-Messiah for Today and Everyday!!
“Happiness keeps You Sweet, Trials keep You Strong, Sorrows keep You Human, Failures keeps You Humble, Success keeps You Glowing, But Only GOD keeps You Going.”!! Amen-Amein Praise Christ-Messiah Jesus-Yeshua Hallelujah!!
Love 💕 Always and Shalom ( Peace ), YSIC \o/
Kristi Ann
Glad it encouraged you, Kristi Ann. I’m so thankful Jesus remains faithful to bring His fullness into our lives.
So many times empty does define me- what I don’t have, what I pictured about my future vs what I really got. God is good, all the time.
Danell, it sure is easy to look at the lack…the void in our life and feel as though we are only empty women with empty hearts and empty hands. So thankful the Lord revealed His fullness in a Savior who fills in what we are missing.
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry for your loss. I love the thought that empty does not have to define me, and you’ve encouraged me today. Keep writing!
Thank you, Kim. When we find our identity in Christ, and in His fullness and abundance, we get a clearer picture of who we are. Appreciate you commenting.
Thank you for this excellent source of encouragement dealing with emotional issues.
You’re welcome, Teresa. Thanks for stopping by and remember empty never defines us…only refines us to look more and more like Jesus.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are courageous and I’m so glad you were able to seek the Lord during that difficult time.
The Lord makes us brave as we choose to lift our voice and tell others what great things the Lord has done. Thank you!
Karen, I know your words are going to speak comfort and peace to many women who have struggled with the same emptiness and are looking for a way toward joy.
Thank you, Michelle. I pray it does help women. We all have suffered a loss of some sort but we have hope that with Christ we will be overcomers.
“EMPTY WAS NEVER MEANT TO DEFINE ME, BUT TO REFINE ME TO RESEMBLE CHRIST.“
I find this so important to focus on. Even today, I limited my prayer because of emptiness caused by prior circumstances, but Jesus died to give me a love to lay down my emptiness. Thank you for this beautiful piece.
Hey Brittany, it does seem like it’s a daily choice…to lay down our emptiness and pick up God’s fullness. And not go back to retrieve it or try to carry the weight of it again. Thanks for commenting!