How to Take Ownership of My Response
While I can’t control the response of others, there are some ways to take ownership of how I respond.
Whether it’s our spouse, our children, extended family or friends, we often respond in either inappropriate ways or at the inopportune time.
You know that saying, “Open mouth and insert foot.”?
Because we all have times we let our mouths run ahead of us. Or, we think we must say the first thing that pops in to our head. Or, we assume we are right and the other person is clearly wrong.
But we can’t physically see or determine what is going on behind the scenes—what underlying issues may contribute to the other person’s words and responses.
So let’s unpack three ways we take ownership of how we respond.
(1.) Realize I can never control the responses of others; I only control my response through help from the Holy Spirit.
I’ll never control the words or responses of others. I only control how I respond. And I possess the power to control my good and godly response when I’m walking in the Spirit.
In Galatians 5, the Apostle Paul discusses our freedom in Christ. While this freedom is for me and for you, it’s freedom we maintain. How? By living in the Spirit, growing in the fruit of the Spirit, and walking in the Spirit.
Friend, the Holy Spirit is the number one way to take ownership of our response in any situation.
The sooner I realize this truth, the sooner I let go of the control and look to the Holy Spirit to help “me.”
Friend, the Holy Spirit is the number one way to take ownership of our response in any situation. Share on X
(2.) Remember to pray for wisdom, insight, and discernment in my response.
Praying for how we respond to others is a powerful tool to add to our spiritual warfare toolbelt.
Why?
Because the enemy loves to use our knee-jerk response to tear down the other person or make the situation worse.
Instead of regret over a knee-jerk response, the best response is to get on our knees to pray.
Not only can we add this prayer to our daily prayer time, but also as a silent prayer to the Lord in the moment.
Instead of regret over a knee-jerk response, the best response is to get on our knees to pray. Share on XYes, pray right then and there, asking the Lord to give us wisdom in what to say, insight for the situation at hand, and discernment to respond or remain quiet. No response is a response in and of itself, but it needs to be appropriate for the circumstances.
(3.) React with the love and kindness of Jesus in me.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)
Years ago, I read this Scripture and decided to commit it to memory. And it holds true in my life.
When I remember to give a gentle answer to a sharp-toned comment by a family member or friend, it softens the other person’s heart.
Likewise, when I snap back out of anger, my harsh response only escalates the other person, me, and the entire issue.
But a word of caution. Don’t make the same mistake I did of pointing this Bible verse out to your loved one when they respond with a harsh word to you. That response is not biblical and stirs up more anger when we use Scripture to discipline others—it’s not our job.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) Share on X
Anything you would add that helps you own your response?
Read, Practice Self-control With Every Fruit of the Spirit.
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This is a very important message for our society today (and for me). We want to blame others for how we react. We have forgotten how to take responsibility for our words and actions. Thanks Karen.
Couldn’t agree more, Yvonne. I want to take ownership of my actions, and yes, even my responses and how I react to others and situations.
We certainly need to pray before we respond to others, Karen. That’s been a hard lesson for me to learn, but it’s the best option for keeping the peace and showing others Jesus’ love. Are the photos of your grandchildren? They sure are cute!
Hey Martha, yes the photos are my grandchildren. Thank you. Responses are tough, especially when we want to do it God’s way. God bless!
Many important lessons here for me. Thank you.
Thank you, Lauren. The enemy loves to use our knee-jerk response to tear down the other person or make the situation worse. So, it’s why we need help from the Holy Spirit in our responses.
Great Biblical advice, Karen! Pausing, taking a deep breath, and turning to the Lord for help can head off words better left unsaid, thus cooling our hot-headed tendency to bite back in similar fashion when unkind words are aimed at us. Reliance on the Holy Spirit is absolutely essential. So glad for his presence in us!
Yes, Melinda, “cooling our hot-headed tendency to bite back….” Ouch! Praying for how we respond to others is a powerful tool to add to our spiritual warfare toolbelt.
This post reminds me of advice someone gave me a long time ago: “Respond, don’t react.”
And your points are helpful in developing those responses!
I like that wisdom, Ava. Thanks for adding to our conversation.
Great reminder to ask God to keep the gate of our lips. I don’t ask that often enough.
“…ask God to keep the gate of our lips.” Like how you stated this, Nancy. And it’s something we all need!
I’ve had to do that at times–stop right in the moment and pray for a right heart and right response. Lately in the mornings I have been praying for the Lord to fill me with His Spirit and manifest the fruit if the Spirit through me, then I recite them to myself.
What a great and practical idea, Barbara. That filling with the Spirit will, no doubt, prepare us for godly responses.
When I don’t pause and focus on my own self-interest, I can definitely put my foot in my mouth. So #2 is something I can intentionally do better every day!
Hey Lynn, so true. I desire to pray for that wisdom and insight. Instead of regret over a knee-jerk response, the best response is to get on our knees to pray.
Two thoughts emerged as I read your wonderful post Ms. Karen. First, why are my words and responses more harsh on my loved ones than strangers? I tell myself it’s because I care more for them and hold them to a higher standard than I do strangers, but that is NO excuse for not showing them the kindness and patience they deserve. The last is that your tip to pray before responding is so very spot on. Even a quick “Help me Lord to respond as you would have me” helps to temper my often-times worldly reactions. Great post, full of truth ma’am. Thank you!
J.D., I think we all relate to harsher responses, reactions, and words to those closest to us. And those quick, on-the-spot prayers do our hearts and tongues some good when we ask for help. God bless!
Pray before speaking. At times, our responses to situations makes things harder. When we go to God in prayer first, we are covered with His love and guidance. Great message Karen.
Agree Melissa. Yet, it’s harder than it sounds. Our mouths run away with us before thinking things through much less praying. But…
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)
Sound wisdom, Karen. This is a great reminder, “The Holy Spirit is the number one way to take ownership of our response in any situation.”
Lisa, appreciate you commenting. I really do believe living by the Spirit, walking in the Spirit and growing in the fruit of the Spirit will help me most in my response.
Such a practical post, Karen. Each point is invaluable.
Thanks for your kind words, Beckie. In my response to what others say or do, I pray to react with the love and kindness of
Jesus IN me.
This is really great, Karen! How we respond to something AFTER can be even more important than what we do in the first place.
That’s good insight Jessica. Thanks for sharing!
Oh Karen, such very good advice here. I fear I find myself too often with regrets over quick answers! I need to own my response, even if I don’t respond in the right way. Sometimes that is even more powerful, when I am humble enough to make things right. Thank you for this good, practical advice!
This is wise advice, Donna, “I need to own my response, even if I don’t respond in the right way. Sometimes that is even more powerful, when I am humble enough to make things right.” Yes! It’s time to own our responses and reactions whatever that looks like and pray for help to get it right more and more often.
I’ve been repenting of one of my poor responses a few weeks ago, so this is encouragement for me to pick myself back up and let go of the guilt. I can’t change the past, but I can do better in the future with the Spirit’s help. I want my responses to be godly.
Truth, Lisa! Asking the Lord and Spirit for help keeps us moving forward instead of remaining stuck in the past.
Such wonderful words of wisdom, Karen. Thanks for sharing with us. I had a couple of instances this past week when my mouth opened, and the words flew out before my brain could engage. The result was raised voices and hurt feelings. Neither that build up the person I love.
Lisa, thanks for your encouragement. I continue to need the Holy Spirit’s help in this area. I so desire to speak life and not death, to build up and not tear down!