What Hallmark Movies Taught Me About Marriage
Eyes glued to the screen, another Hallmark movie captured my heart’s undivided attention.
It’s what my heart was tempted to stay hooked on: A storyline of love beating the odds, while fulfilling many of my own desires and dreams about love.
These Hallmark movies are a kind of escape from reality, even if just for a few moments.
But here’s the big difference between the movies and our own reality: There’s always a happy ending on Hallmark movies.
Always.
Soon, if we aren’t careful, we compare the happy endings with our own reality and the result is disappointment.
Since I wanted an even closer look at what happened in my heart and mind as I watched these near fairy-tale films, I decided to view a Hallmark movie and made some mental notes of how it affected me.
And this is what I found.
All’s Well in the Hallmark Universe
In this particular film, a young couple planned their upcoming wedding at a beautiful venue. While there were glitches in the wedding plans, extended family issues, and miscommunication between the bride and groom, all was finally good in the universe as they worked out each issue.
I couldn’t help but think about the message this sends to the many couples experiencing or who will experience glitches in marriage or family. Such as a miscommunication between our spouse and us. And if it doesn’t end well? What then?
Also, I discovered my heart getting caught up in the beginning stages of romance, first love. Ah, sweet love. Then I remembered when my husband and I were young, in love, and in the initial stages of our blossoming relationship.
So are we different today? A resounding Yes! We’ve been married over three decades, of course our relationship is different than in the beginning. Because different is often better and sweeter.
Yet, rather than appreciating how far we’ve come and how much we’ve grown as a couple, I get all starry-eyed and wrapped up in the lives of this couple from a Hallmark movie. Two people who aren’t even in a real relationship and who are only playing the part.
Heart Whispers and Lessons
In reflecting on my mental note-taking, here are the lessons the Lord seemed to whisper to my heart and that I believe He wants us all to know.
(1.) Along with years passed and wrinkles formed, we grow in wisdom and strength in our marriage when we look to the Lord and ask for help.
(2.) First love isn’t the only sweet love.
Love that extends over years and decades through struggles and triumphs, heartache and heart-felt moments, fosters the sweetest love ever.
Mature love withstands the bitter parts of marriage to make it through to the better parts of marriage.
Love that extends over years and decades through struggles and triumphs, heartache and heart-felt moments, fosters the sweetest love ever. Share on X(3.) Young love is exciting, fresh, and hopeful. But it can also be naive, restricted, and not vulnerable for fear we might lose it. Love that ripens over time proves more stable and secure.
Young love is exciting, fresh, and hopeful. But it can also be naive, restricted, and not vulnerable for fear we might lose it. Love that ripens over time proves more stable and secure. Share on X(4.) Mature love develops through openness, vulnerability, and trust. Seasoned love is wonderful on a whole new level—something to celebrate!
We rewind the tape to say, Look at us. Look how far we’ve come. Look how much we’ve grown despite all the obstacles and mistakes that could have held us back. But we moved forward despite all that.
Heart Messages on Love
Dear married friend, let’s become more aware of the messages sent to our heart from what we’re watching or noticing. And let’s choose not to twist the mature love in our marriage into comparable fictional stories.
When we see our marriage as a beautiful story written from above, we don't let anything or anyone tell us otherwise. Not even a good Hallmark movie. Share on XNext step: Spend time in soul-searching about how you view love in general and in your marriage. Then ask the Lord to replace any unrealistic desires with His views on real love.
Pray by thanking God for how your love as a couple has overcome obstacles and hard seasons.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
Read: 26 Ways to Strengthen Our Marriage from A-Z
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As a fellow member of the 3 decades and counting club, I heartily agree with your thoughts here!
Thank you, Michele. We grow in wisdom and strength in our marriage when we look to the Lord and ask for help.
I can certainly testify with you, Karen, that mature love is so much sweeter than those falling-in-love moments depicted in Hallmark movies. It is going through the tough times and decisions as a couple that really help you grow closer and appreciate each other even more.
Blessings!
“It is going through the tough times and decisions as a couple that really help you grow closer and appreciate each other even more.” Great way to say it, Martha! “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:6-7 (NIV)
I just knew I had to read this as soon as I saw your title. Good job Ms. Karen. I must admit I’m not much for Hallmark movies, as I struggle with the “sappy, sentimental” plot lines. I guess that’s why I don’t read romance novels; although Ms. Starr Ayers’ are pretty good. 🙂 Loved the post, and if I could add one comment (and the older folks reading this will understand this more clearly), my darling wife share a profound statement with me years ago, that has stuck with me to this day. She said, “Love is what’s left when the lust is over.” What a true statement. I’ve learned that age has nothing to do with desireability or intimacy. What matters is the real love that is fostered when the three of you (husband, wife, and God) work together to grow closer.
That’s a solid and wise statement from your Diane. And I like this from you, “I’ve learned that age has nothing to do with desireability or intimacy. What matters is the real love that is fostered when the three of you (husband, wife, and God) work together to grow closer.” Amen, my frield.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Cor. 13:4-5 (NIV)
Hallmark movies have been a wholesome entertainment for us during this pandemic. You’re so right about the depiction of love in these movies. Occasionally, there is a series that portrays love of many years, or that has a tragic ending to a series, but for the most part it’s all roses and sunshine and perfectly and quickly settled conflicts. This is not real love.
Real love is working through the problems, of loving one another through the trials, of living out our lifetime commitment with respect and kindness and humor. Each year, each decade brings more maturity to our lives and to our understanding of love. Our 44th anniversary was this year, and our love grows even sweeter with each passing year. I’m grateful for all of the lessons the Lord has taught us along the way.
I’ve always loved good and wholesome movies, and Hallmark is good at producing them. Although my husband claims the storyline is the same in all of them, and I tell him I beg to differ. Yet, many do have a similarity. The Christmas ones are a favorite for me. 44 years is defintely a milestone few reach. A mature love worth the years of nurture and even trials to arrive at a sweeter place.
I so agree, Karen. Beginning love is fun, but there’s nothing like a relationship forged through thick and thin over decades.
Yes, Barbara! Seasoned love is wonderful on a whole new level—something to celebrate!
Hallmark movies are my guilty pleasure – especially many of the Christmas ones. But after 40 years of marriage, I know that the kind of love Hallmark depicts is the stuff of Cinderella-gets-her-prince fairy tales. Of course, you nailed it: mature love that has withstood the trials of life and the test of time is so much deeper, better, and more real than anything Hallmark could dish up!
Ava, I enjoy the Christmas Hallmark movies as well. I’ve always enjoyed good, clean movies. Love that ripens over time proves more stable and secure.
Karen,
My husband will watch Hallmark movies with me and often we turn to each other, laugh, and say in unison, “If only it was that easy.” Hallmark movies aren’t realistic at all — but sometimes we get drawn into comparison with fictional characters and live people. That’s never a winning game. I believe true love grows when you go through the grit and the ugly together and come out on the other side. That doesn’t happen in Hallmark movies, but during the pandemic, they’ve been one of the few options that aren’t dark, violent, weird, or disgusting. Want some really great tv – watch The Chosen series — awesome!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Hey Bev, much wisdom and insight in your comment. Like how you and your husband say, “If only it was that easy.” That made me smile and nearly laugh out loud. 🙂 But agree, at least Hallmark movies are normally clean and not sexual. And The Chosen is the best thing ever! I’m caught up and waiting on the next ones to come out.
Thank you SO MUCH for writing this. I think there is so much out there, even well-intended things, that make us idealize love, family and marriage and almost turn it into an idol… e.g. the notion that a “good man/prince” will “save” me, etc. I am grateful for my own marriage and so many others that are rooted in Christ and love telling people how that is truly how we love each other best.
Glad this spoke to you, Jessica. And a hearty Amen to your comment. It is the idea and dreams of fairy tale wishes, not reality at all. I like how you noted we turn it into an idol. I always try to remember my spouse doesn’t complete me and no person ever will. That is only for Jesus Christ. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Great perspective on marriage Karen. I love a good Hallmark movie but they really never show the reality of marriage. I just celebrated 37 marriage and it has been wonderful but certainly not easy. Thanks for sharing
Thanks, Yvonne. Agree with you, the road is often filled with bumps along the way. But the Lord helps us when we keep real, unconditional love through Christ in our marriage.
My husband and I have been married for over 42 years. We’ve been through ups and downs in life. From taking care of aging parents to having a prodigal child(who returned to Jesus and we praise the Lord), to my breast cancer in 2005 to job changes and more, we have endured trials and heartache. Our love grows stronger every day. We thank God for each other.
Melissa, thanks for sharing a part of your marriage journey in the real world. You have been through a lot together as a couple and it made you stronger together. We rewind the tape to say, Look at us. Look how far we’ve come. Look how much we’ve grown despite all the obstacles and mistakes that could have held us back. But we moved forward despite all that.
It’s sad to think of the people (mostly women) who watch these movies and disrupt their lives in an effort to recreate the situations that provide the fulfillment of new love. Marriage is a commitment through thick and thin. It doesn’t always include the wonderful rush of feelings one gets in new love.
But leaving that old “love” behind and moving on to new ones–in succession–maximizes the feelings of new love and minimizes the depth to which someone can love–if we can even call it that since it’s just a form of self-love or selfishness.
So true, Nancy! It’s, “In love with love.” We must come to realize love is a committment, an action, a verb. It’s a choice, not feeling. It’s why there’s often a cycle of new love with a new person and then another and then another.
I agree, Karen, “First love isn’t the only sweet love.” With 30+ years of marriage, I find this proclamation to be so true, “Mature love develops through openness, vulnerability, and trust. Seasoned love is wonderful on a whole new level.”
Glad this resonated with you, Lisa. And Love that ripens over time proves more stable and secure. God bless!
Karen, I love your take on the Hallmark movies. I’m not much for sappy books or movies, because of all the things you mention, they tend to lead down a road false hopes and expectations. My husband and I are celebrating 37 years together!
Hey Donna, you are wise in this. And congratulations on celebrating 37 years, a great milestone indeed! Love never fails!
Congratulations on a million views!
I tease my mom all the time because she constantly watches Hallmark movies. They don’t really portray real life. They’re fun to dream about but reality needs perseverance on the part of both parties to make “happily ever after” come true. A love that has been through the fires of testing is much more valuable!
Thank you, Jerralea! Amen to this: “A love that has been through the fires of testing is much more valuable!” Love that extends over years and decades through struggles and triumphs, heartache and heart-felt moments, fosters the sweetest love ever.
Karen, this is such a beautiful post written with much wisdom. May I add that romance books can be a lot like those Hallmark movies. We must guard our hearts.
Blessings to you and your hubby!
Thank you, Beckie. I pray we guard our hearts with authentic love from God.
Karen, I’m so thankful for my husband and marriage. God writes good stories.
Debbie, He sure does! And thankful His goodness and mercy are seen on every page.
Karen, my husband and I have celebrated 42 years together, and I am so grateful for him. It may not have been easy all the way but every obstacle drew us closer together and to the Lord. His hand of grace and mercy has been what has held us together and brought us thus far. I so agree with Jerralea’s observation above >> “A love that has been through the fires of testing is much more valuable!”
42 years is a wonderful milestone that not many reach. And like you attest to, it’s not all rosey and carefree. There are real hardships and difficult times that draw you closer together. The uphill climbs make the walk down the other side sweeter than before.
Karen i loved this. Every word is true. I love the Hallmark movies a little too much because they were taking up too much of my time. I am trying to spend more time on what is eternal. This post was so good! I love you very much!
Aw, glad this spoke to you, Boots. I’ve always had a fondness for Hallmark movies. The best part is they are wholesome. But the other part is how much we can focus on the content and be mislead or like you share, take up too much of our time on something earthly. Love you!
Those movies and books never tell how difficult maintaining a relationship really is! Love is the start of the story of two people learning to serve each other. It’s not the end scene at all!
Oh, yes, Anita! Well said, indeed!